Here are my least favorite well-meant comments and what I would say if I could be more honest. I could list these on and on if I included ones I’ve heard from others. Guys, we really stink at talking to grieving people.
1. “I can’t even imagine what that would be like.”
Well, congratulations. I’m very happy for you and the wonderful life you have. Let me know if you want to know what it is like.
2. “God never gives us more than we can handle.”
Oh, really? What proof do you have of that? I think God gives us plenty that pushes us past what we ever think we could survive.
3. “You’re so strong.”
What does this even mean? What makes me strong? And you just ensured I won’t be coming to you if I’m ever struggling.
4. “They’re in a better place.”
So that fixes everything? And what better place is there for baby than with his mother? And how do I know that?
I am a devout Christian, and this one still rubs me wrong. It felt so dismissive.
And for some reason, my least favorite was…
5. “I don’t even know what I would do in your situation.”
I can tell you exactly what you would do.
You would cry a lot. You would get up some days just to get back in bed later. You would struggle with seeing babies and pregnant women. But you would survive. Because that’s what humans do, pretty much no matter what is thrown at them.
If you can’t think of something to say to someone grieving that doesn’t fit into these, don’t say anything at all… just listen. That’s probably exactly what they need anyways.
