One of the hard things that most loss moms have in common is that first period after baby.
I had a few complications after my C-section with Joseph, which led to frequent doctor’s appointments during my recovery. Every appointment, they asked me whether my period had come yet.
It wasn’t fun anticipating it, and it wasn’t fun when it came.
It felt like one more thing that was so wrong.
Periods aren’t that much fun anyways, but there’s a sting added when it’s another reminder that you aren’t pregnant. I’m sure this goes for any of you struggling with miscarriage, infertility, stillbirth, premature birth, failed IVF, etc.
I’ll admit that I felt cheated. I had planned on breastfeeding Joseph for the first year after he was born, thus postponing my period for a long time yet.
I also felt a little betrayed by my body. How could it just go on, telling me that it could be ready for another baby, when I was still mourning?
That first time was the hardest by far, but I know that isn’t always the case.
Another thing that hurts about periods is how much the symptoms mimic early pregnancy: cravings, mood swings, discharge, sore breasts, stomach upset, etc. It can lead to false hopes, which hurts more when the spotting turns into full-on bleeding.
Go back to bed if you need to. Grieve as long as you need to. Take a shower and wash everything and cry and cry. Eat some comfort food without making yourself sick. Drink water. Write in your journal. Tell God how angry, heartbroken, and disappointed you are.
I see you, Mama, sitting on the toilet sobbing. I see you in the feminine hygiene aisle looking at the millions of options wishing you were in the baby section instead. You are not alone. You are loved. We are all cheering you on.
Any first period tips?