My doctor through the experience of losing my baby has been great.
Actually, funnily enough, my parents knew him when I was growing up in Georgia, which leads to conversations like this-
One of the strangest things he does, though, is do a voice memo at the end of each appointment while I’m sitting there. The first time he did it, I wasn’t sure what was going on.
I’ve gotten used to it by now, but I have not gotten used to the newest addition since Joseph was born.
IUFD stands for Intrauterine Fetal Demise, a term I didn’t know until I saw it on my discharge paperwork after Joseph. It’s only 4 letters and yet it sums up what happened.
It was hard to hear it every appointment.
I get why we have medical terms like this. I mean, my doctor is able to sum up what happened in 4 letters for himself or any other doctors attending to my care.
And yet… it’s so clinical, so utilitarian. It hurts to hear my experience summed up like that, in words that seem so emotionless compared to the grief and pain the event caused me.
I was talking to a friend recently about her experience with IVF. She bravely told me her story in a “yeah, it stinks, but it happened” kind of way, but she teared up when she told me that the embryos had been diagnosed as “not viable”.
So much pain.
Another one I hear a lot is “incompetent cervix”. That medical diagnosis refers to so many lost babies and so much grief.
I get why we use medical terms.
But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.