Today is the first day of 2022, and I have mixed feelings about it.
2021 was a ROUGH year. Joseph dying was by far the hardest thing that happened, but there were numerous other things that happened in our personal lives that shook us too, both before and after Joseph.
In a way, it makes sense that Joseph was born almost exactly halfway through the year, because it gives a satisfying divide to my year: B.J. (Before Joseph) and A.J. (After Joseph).
At the beginning of 2021, everything looked awesome. We announced our pregnancy to our families, Mason was doing an internship that looked like it might lead to a job, and we were planning multiple trips. Now that I'm looking back, it seems like we had the world in our hands.
Six months later, however, everything had changed.
The trips were over. Joseph was gone. Mason didn't have a job. We felt like our world had shattered.
The rest of the year was filled with making sense of our grief and trying to put our world back together.
In that way, I am happy to say goodbye to 2021 and look forward to something again. Maybe this year will be flipped, with the clouds at the beginning and sun at the end? I can hope.
At the same time, it's hard to say goodbye to 2021 because it feels like another form of saying goodbye to Joseph.
I have a hard time every monthiversary knowing that we are one month farther away from him. Anyone else get that feeling? I've tried to explain it to multiple people only to get blank looks.
He lived in 2021. He won't be here for any of 2022. I feel like I see my whole year stretched out in front of me with no Joseph, and it just makes me want to go back to bed.
Anyone else struggling to get into the spirit and excitement of New Year's?