Christmas is coming… sigh

We put up our Christmas tree and decorations right after Thanksgiving. I don’t know of a more bittersweet time than the holidays after losing someone special.

I was fine and enjoying myself all through putting up the tree and decorating it with ornaments.

I was fine while putting the nativities up.

I was fine getting the Christmas books out.

I was fine until I got to stockings.

When my oldest was a baby, I decided to make stockings for each of us. I spent hours figuring out a pattern, quilting the fabric, and putting them together.

When I had the twins, I went through that process for them again. I made matching stockings for them that I was immensely satisfied with.

Last year, I took the time to hand embroider each of them with our names.

This year, I had already started thinking of what I was going to do for Joseph’s stocking. I was planning on finding a plaid that coordinated with our other colors for his stocking.

I know that I could just make him a stocking anyways. I know we could even put things in it for him… but why?

The idea of spending all that time making a stocking for someone who would never use it is not comforting.

I don’t really know what to do for Joseph this Christmas. We bought a stuffed horse for him that I think we will take to his grave, but I don’t want to leave it there to get ruined and thrown away. December 23 will be six months since he was born and I am already dreading that day.

I love the ornament of his footprints hanging on our tree because it makes me feel like he is part of our Christmas. I just wish he were here.

Any ideas for what we could do to remember him this Christmas?