A Real Check-in

A Real Check-in

This week marks 5 months since Joseph was born. In fact, today is exactly 5 months since the day we found out Joseph had died.

I’ve been hit hard by grief this last weekend. I’m not exactly sure what triggered it, but I experienced the lay-in-bed, listen-to-sad-songs-on-repeat, unable-to-concentrate, sugar-binging kind of grief.

We watched Mr. Holland’s Opus on Friday movie. I recommend it highly. The scene that impacted me the most was one where Mr. Holland (Richard Dreyfus) sings a song to his son by John Lennon called, “Beautiful Boy”. What a beautiful song. I listened to it over and over that night and just cried and cried.

Grief makes everything hard. Getting out of bed is hard. Making food is hard. Taking care of kids is hard. Paying attention is hard. Getting ready is hard.

I bought a workbook on Amazon called “How to carry what can’t be fixed” by Megan Devine. I’ve started working on it, and I actually enjoyed the first activity. She said to give an idea of where I am starting, so I drew a map of “Grief island”, which is where I seem to be living right now. Here’s a digital illustration of it.

I had another post written out to post today, but I decided to put it off to give a real check-in for this weekend.

Anything you would add to grief island?

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