My grief for Joseph feels like a bruise on my heart.
It’s always there but not always in the forefront of my thoughts.
It’s become a part of my heart, to the point where it feels matter-of fact. Sometimes that feels a little awkward when others cry about you and you sit there, dry-eyed.
But every once in a while, it gets bumped and that HURTS!
This morning it was trying to put new shoes on my 2-year-old boy and discovering they didn’t fit. I decided to put them in storage, but for whom? He doesn’t have a little brother that will wear them, and maybe never will. I don’t know.
Last week at church, a lady with a baby boy sat next to me and it hurt so much. I couldnt look at him, and it seemed like he was staring right at me, daring me to look at him. I finally got up and left to cry in an empty classroom.
I’m not going to pretend that things don’t hurt, because they do. But it does feel like my bruise is getting smaller. I hope it never goes away completely, because I plan on missing Joseph until I see him again, but I can trust that I will learn how to cope as I carry on.
What things bump the bruises on your heart?